Life,  Venise's Blog

Breastmilk is funny s@#t!!!!

Happy Monday everyone! In celebration of another week at the grindstone (and milk machine) I decided to share some pumping humor! I belong to a few Facebook groups that deal with breast feeding, pumping, mothering and parenting. Every so often mamas share funny stories about the joys of pumping and I thought it  would be fun to share some of my favorites. Do you have a funny story to share? Please share it in the comments section below! I could use some extra laughs this morning!

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So we have a room in the office that they changed into the “pump room” for the two of us who are pumping. The other girl takes like over 30 minutes to pump – as soon as she walked in, I noticed a spot forming on my shirt and realize that my right boob is leaking like crazy! I had to grab a bottle and run to the bathroom to manually express some milk b/c it was as hard as a boulder and milk was just squirting out! I’m so glad i’m wearing a black shirt today… Oh the joys of pumping at work.

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Most awkward pumping moment yet: I’m lucky to have an office, so I can pump and work at the same time instead of having to hike to the pumping room. I’m on the 4th floor in the tallest building around, so I don’t have to worry about anyone looking in the window and seeing me…unless the maintenance guy is on a lift right outside, clearing ice from the roof, exactly when I have my boobs out to pump!

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So I’m in the pump room at work and I hear through the door a woman say to a man, “that’s the mothers room”. He replied “a mothers room ?” She said “room only for moms, think about it” meanwhile my pump was going “dodo dodo dodo…” Awkkkwaarddd

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I was leaving the mothers room to wash my parts in the bathroom and one of our engineers walks by me, looks at my equipment, giggles and says, “I know what you were doing in there”. SO AWKWARD! Who says that?

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I’m a creative director at an ad agency. My junior designer thought this whole time someone brought my baby to work every day, so I can nurse him. I told him no, the baby is at home and I use a machine to get the milk out. His eyes became like silver dollars and he couldn’t believe there was a machine for such a thing.

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I teach 11th grade. I walked out into the hall to dump the excess water from my Medela quick clean bag into the water fountain and a 6th period student goes “what is that? Quick chicken?” WTF is quick chicken? When his persistent curiosity and nagging wouldn’t stop I finally said “it’s how I sterilize my breast pump parts.” That shut him up.

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I had to travel for a week and bought a converter just to be safe since I’ve fried my hairdryer and flat iron on previous trips. Well the converter I bought didn’t work and blew the fuse in my power cord…8pm on a Sunday night, no pump, and Babies ‘R Us didn’t open until 9am!! After an hour of trying to hand express with very little success (relief) I got desperate!! Turns out if you suck on the end of the tubing that attaches to the pump it works quite well!! Lesson learned…always travel with a backup pump!

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I dropped a nursing pad in the conference room I use to pump…and my boss found it and handed it to me in the middle of a meeting!!!

I went out with friends last night for first time since having my second baby. I took my freemies and my Medella PISA with battery pack. I went to bathroom & put on the freemies, then walked out with my pump cranking away in my purse, right in the middle of the bar. No one knew! Did this twice! I was so pleased with myself.

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Picture this: You come out of the pump room and walk by a ton of people. When you get on the elevator to go back to your floor you realize that you forgot to close your shirt and you’ve flashed all the men on the 5th floor. I could die.

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Decided to pump at my desk in my office instead going to the mothers room. (It’s on a different floor – and I was in the middle of a big project). I hooked up and got going. Someone just pulls open the door and I say BUSY. The guy is mortified and yells, “oh my god, oh my god, she’s milking”!!!

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AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: 

Just had a coworker stop by and ask if I was just pumping. Our pump room is a small locker room at the end of the bathroom. When I said yes, she told me I should play music in there because it makes her uncomfortable to hear sound of the pump while she’s using the bathroom. My response was, “If you think it’s uncomfortable hearing my pump, just imagine how uncomfortable it is for me to sit on the other side of that door and listen to you poop.” Pretty sure she’ll never use that bathroom again! Haha

I hope you enjoyed these and once again #thankyouforbreastfeeding to all the mamas out there who have the guts and humor to make it all work! You rock!

A wife, mom, farmer, HR lady, blogger and dreamer who loves simple goodness like the small of fresh cut hay, bread baking in the oven and kisses.

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